Since we are coming up fast on the NBA All-Star game, we are celebrating everything the best of the best athletes of this league have to offer. After all, the league will live and die but its superstars.
So since everyone else is recognizing the good, all me to accentuate the bad: My All-Troublemaker Team:
Point guard: Gilbert Arenas, Wizards
Making a joke about giving a teammate the option to choose which instrument will cause his death is very dark humor. David Stern didn’t find it funny when he suspended Agent Zero for the rest of the season Wednesday. I’m still waiting for Charlton Heston to make a statement.
Shooting guard: Delonte West, Cavaliers
Another guy who finds happiness in a warm gun–three of them. West was pulled over in September for carrying three firearms–including one in a guitar case strapped to his back–after cutting off a police officer on a motorcycle. No word if the cop that pulled him over was Officer Francis Llewellyn ‘Ponch’ Poncherello.
Small forward: Ron Artest, Lakers
Sort of a “Lifetime Achievement” nomination if you will. We all know his past, but the latest notch on his belt is admitting he used to pound Hennessy at halftime of games. Maybe 2Pac has been hiding in the Staples Center….
Power forward: Rasheed Wallace, Celtics
See Ron Artest. Sheed has been pretty quiet this year for the most part. But it’s pretty telling about what kind of history he’s had when Wallace got fined 35 grand last week and no one said anything. (Yawn)
Center: Greg Oden, Blazers
Aside from being remembered as “Not Kevin Durant,” Oden will also be known for sending nude pictures of himself to a former girlfriend, which he apologized for Wednesday. That had to be one heckuva girl for her to convince him to send “sexts” to her. I wonder if she knows Tiger Woods.
Javaris Crittendon, Wizards
Suspended for the rest of the season in the D.C. Gun-gate, Crittendon has to go on here as well. For future reference, Javaris, don’t give Arenas a reason to carry a joke too far. Everyone loses.
Tim Duncan, Spurs
Just seeing if you were still paying attention.
Allen Iverson, 76ers
Orchestrating his release from the Pistons, Iverson signed with the Grizzlies. After taking a leave of absence from Memphis, he then got that team to release him as well. It’s worked out pretty well for AI, though. He’s back in Philly playing for the Sixers and starting in the All-Star game. Is it 2001 already?
Coach: Don Nelson, Warriors
The man changes his starting lineup almost as much as the Washington Redskins change head coaches. Notorious for benching a superstar on any given night and ending a hot streak that any of his plays might be on, ti would be a crime if Nelson didn’t make this list. (As a fantasy owner of several Warriors over the last few years, I may be biased. But I don’t care. Nellie drives me nuts.)
There you have it. Conspicuously absent was Stephen Jackson from the Bobcats. But he has kept his nose clean this year and that should be recognized.
Besides, how you can you not love a guy with a tattoo of praying hands holding a gun?
The NBA and Guns: Where Accidental Shootings Are Going To Happen.